Look at me Daddy

Joel 2:25
I will restore to you the years 
   that the swarming locust has eaten, 
the hopper, the destroyer, and the cutter, 
   my great army, which I sent among you.


This promise has been spoken over me 5 times in the last year.. I hid it in my heart and wondered what was God promising... could it be finances? A car.. or 2? (we've had 2 cars stolen from us in the last 5 years) abundance in finances.... yes it is all of those, but this weekend He has shown me something that I have been longing for my whole life... It's my Daddy... It's Him, my Heavenly Father who loves me more than any earthly Father ever could.


My earthly dad was taken from me when I was just a little girl. I longed for a Dad I could call my own. I didn't know how to relate to God my heavenly Father, it had been too long..

This weekend, He showered His love on me, in ways that are indescribable! I have become like hot wax in His Presence. His presence is all around me. He loves me. He loves you.

As I danced and worshiped in His presence, this song came bubbling out of me... think of a little girl singing this, with mud stains on her dress, hair tied up and falling out of her pony tails... can't wait to show her Daddy something she just did.... (spelling errors intentional ;)

Look at me Daddy

      Look what You did,

You made me beeeutiful!

Look at me Daddy

      Look what You did,

You washed me clean

and took my sins away!

Look at me Daddy

      Look what You did

You made me purfect

So I can run into Your arms!

Look at me Daddy,

      Look what You did

You filled me with Jesus!

I am beeeutiful,

      I am cleen!

I am made perfect!

       I am full of Jesus!

I am ONE with YOU!!

Dragonflies and Weaver Birds

Dragonflies hovering like helicopters
Daddy Weavers feeding their little ones
Too small to leave their nests yet..
Where is the Mommy Weaver?

Look Mommy, there's a half-moon!
As I look, I see an aeroplane
Fly past the half-moon,
Where are they flying to?

Blue Skies, blue pool, stillness..
Only the sound of the pool vacuum cleaner
Going around and around:
Work, Work, Work Mr. Creepy.

Daddy weaver sits near his tree
Looking at me and in his loudest
Voice says: "You're sitting too close
to my Babes! Please go away!!"

But I don't move, I dare him
to continue to feed his family,
To know I won't hurt them,
Or go anywhere near.

And he takes up my challenge,
is there an Angel he hears?!

This is a beautiful day!!

The Ultimate Gift to the Father

Spending time with the Father, being still. That was me on Saturday night, late, while the house was dark and quiet. My most precious times with Him.

I'm asking Him again, Lord what can I give You, I love You so much. What do I have that I can give to You? Is there anything of value? A picture, a flower, a work of art? The last few drops of my expensive perfume?
My talent, my family, everything I own?
These are all precious and valuable to me, and yes I've surrendered these to Him many a time, but here's the catch; He is the creator of ALL and He is the One who gave all this to me. So although I can surrender these back to Him, I can't really call it a gift can I?

In my spirit, I feel a compelling word: TRUST. Do you Trust,  Jenni? Do you really trust your Heavenly Father?
Would you fall back into His arms and TRUST that He would catch you? Now this is a gift that I know pleases the Father.
To dance in abandonment to the God of all. When you lift your arms in worship and surrender to the invisible Father, TRUSTING that He is who He says He is. The ultimate Gift. Yes, to pour out the last few drops of my expensive perfume, yes, to create a work of art for Him is a beautiful gift, because it's actually the ACT that He sees, the act of FAITH that He is our all. He is our Daddy who loves us.

Thats when I moved on to His Love.
I'm not perfect.
I catch myself judging or carrying offense.
Why am I so quick to judge when Jesus never judges us?
But does He love us less when we judge one another?
NOT  A CHANCE!
Yes, the Holy Spirit brings a gentle conviction, a conviction that shows how when we judge or hold offence, it draws us away from our Father. No! Please don't let me out of His presence! Father forgive me, I'm so sorry! Please give me the heart of Jesus that judges no one. Lord, I repent. I love You.
And yes, He still loves us exactly the same. His love does not drop in a level while we miss it and go off the path. His Love is so incredible, so perfect. All the Father sees is Jesus in us, His Word. He is in us and we are in Him.

I love You Daddy

Serenity, Abandonment, Hearts, Freedom!

Our God is SO Awesome! I am SO in LOVE with Him, He has shown me His Love in ways I never knew possible. I have discovered on this journey how quickly He responds to a heart that is willing to be broken, molded and changed to be able to reach His Utmost places and soar with Him like an eagle!
When I am willing to allow Him to work in my heart, show me the yuck stuff that keeps me from being in His Presence 24/7, I stand amazed at the depth of His love that is being poured over, in and through us ALL the time!

He has used His Word, people, prophesies, dreams, visions, poetry, songs, pictures, paintings and even jewellery to lavish His never-ending, non-conditional love in ways that keep astounding and surprising me. I never knew that being a Christian could be so much FUN, so FREE and FULL.

On Tuesday morning I had this feeling of being creative. It was almost like a craving that needed to be filled. I searched for songs online, thinking I needed to hear a song to wash over me, but I eventually realised that I needed to express myself in Art to Him as a form of Worship. This is what the Holy Spirit does, He is creative! He is not boring, He loves to surprise us with change and diversity!

I took a mattress outside and went to soak in Him, asking Him for words or art that He wanted me to write or draw, wow and did He show me!

The first that He showed me was a love letter. The more I wrote the more came. I wrote this to Him:

You are my Inspiration

You are my dwelling place

You are my everything,

every breath I breathe

You are my light

you are my warmth

You are my consolation

you are everything I need

Help me know in times of doubt,

when I think it's all in my 

imagination

that You are with me - You are

Everywhere.

In the gentle breeze,

in the warmth of the sun,

in the galeforce winds

in the breath of the trees.

Deep within, You are in my thoughts.

You consume me with Your Blood

A refiners fire burning the chaff

healing the brokenness, 

setting me FREE!

Then I finally found the courage to draw a simple picture of how He sees me. This has been a difficult one for me. I've been obsessed with dancing for Him, the freedom of gypsy dancing. Pure abandonment, unworried about people watching. We only have an audience of ONE. 

I've been asking Him to show me ways that He sees me and one of the ways is when we are worshipping Him, that He receives us in a glorious display of gorgeous rainbow of lights moving toward Him, and His light gets showered on us in return. This is a stunning array of light, colourful, radiant and a beautiful fragrance that fills the atmosphere.

I've been looking on the net for an artwork of a gypsy dancer and hadn't been able to find any until one morning, my friend Riana posted this image on her Facebook. Painted by a talented young artist who works in prophetic art and glorifies God through her work.

Here is a link to her Facebook page: http://www.facebook.com/JubJade.Art

When I opened my Facebook page and saw this painting, my heart did a leap for Him! This was exactly what I was trying to express!

So here I'm sitting and seeing Abba wants me to start drawing. To start expressing my joy and the Love that so intimately binds me to Him.

 This is the first picture I draw using a black chalk pastel:

We are our worst critics and I wanted to throw this one out, but I held on to it. I called this one Abandonment. It's wild, it's free, it's how I feel inside. Thank goodness I didn't throw it out. Dion showed me how much our Daddy loves this and will use it for Him.

My second drawing, I used a pencil. By now my spirit was quiet before Him. I call this one Serenity. I again saw His Light all around her, His Life-giving Blood showered on her, filling her with forgiveness and freedom. All we need to do is open our arms to Him to receive.

 Today we went with our dear friends to help with teaching a Prophetic Art Class at a church in Pretoria. What freedom we had there, we could feel it in the air! Carol & Yorick are one of the most humble, giving, loving people I know. Through them we have learned and gleaned so much!

And God is so cool, as we were leaving one of the ladies there who I have never met before comes to me and says: "I just gotta tell you that when I saw you standing on one side, I saw you covered in His Light, and as you were standing there, this light changed to a colourful RAINBOW that changed the environment as you came into the room"

All I can say is :WOW GOD, You are SO COOL! 

A Spiritual Awakening - Part 1 I am loved!!

Looking back over my last few posts, especially my last post from over a year ago, I am amazed at how my Heavenly Father has answered my deep longing for being in His Presence more & more. I feel like I have found my Oasis of deep waters and my Spirit has finally awakened from deep slumber and dry places!

About 4 weeks ago a stirring in the Spirit began. Could it be an answer to my prayer of longing and thirsting for a deeper relationship with Him a long time ago? Could it possibly be that God hears our prayers, prepares us for His answers and lavishes us when He knows we are ready for it? I think so!

I met with a dear friend of mine who I hadn't seen in 18 years. We had just re-connected and started meeting almost weekly for coffee. 
As we parted company, she would look me in the eye and tell me "God has not forgotten you, Jen" and my heart would sink because I felt forgotten. I felt like He had placed me in the desert and left me there to find my own way out. Prayers fell on deaf ears (or so I thought). Carol could see right through my facade in the Spirit and continued to pray for me in a way that only she can.

A couple of weeks later and Carol had started speaking life into me as the Holy Spirit led her. In her heart, she knew the Lord wanted her to do everything possible to make it known that I was the Daughter of the Most High, Loved and Cherished. As for me, my cry never stopped.. "more of You Lord, please more of You" I wanted to soak in Him, but wasn't sure how as I felt unworthy and unloved at this stage.

My friend Carol started bringing things for me, little things, big things, precious things. She showered me with love saying it's not from her, it's from Jesus. 
It was difficult to accept. Each time we went for coffee or breakfast, she would pay and I would feel awful because I wanted to bless her and pay, but simply couldn't because of a lack of finances.

Eventually I couldn't take it much more. We had a speaker at our Church, Marc du Pont for a 4 day conference. The first night I sang with the worship team and felt dead inside, but still longing so much for Him. I wanted to experience Him, I wanted to know His tangible Presence. I told my husband I was having a Crisis of Faith.

The next morning I met Carol for coffee once again. She told me she woke up that morning feeling strongly to take me shopping for something new. (at this point you would think I would be on my knees before Him for remembering me!!) I burst into a mess of tears of self-pity, saying how could this be? I want to be the one taking people shopping and out for new things. I'm tired of being the recipient of other people blessing us. Ughh, the self-pity did not look good!
Carol looked me in the eye and gently rebuked my self-pity. Afterall, who am I to question how God chooses to provide? If He chooses to use Man to bless us for the rest of our years here on earth.. what is it to me??

I felt like a lightbulb came on within me. It was at that point I woke up. Or should I say my Spirit woke up. I suddenly knew without a doubt who I am. I AM the daughter of the Most High, a princess, beautiful in His eyes, a delight! And all this because of Jesus and what He had done for each one of us. 
My whole world has changed since that day. That night at the next Marc du Pont meeting I knew that I knew that I knew He was within me, around me, and I in Him. I could soak in Him deeply and it's wonderful!

We all have this precious gift freely available because of Jesus. He went through so much on the Cross so that we could access the Father with an abandonment of a little child that runs into her Father's arms. We are free to worship Him, to breathe Him, to love Him and to know we are loved in return by Him.. unconditionally. Thank YOU JESUS!

Dry and Desolate Places

I am in a desert. It is dry, so wildly dry. I am lost in a world of sand, dust, dead bushes; no life. The sun beats down on me. I am thirsty. I thirst. I long for the Living Water.
I long to find His everlasting oasis and to stay there. Where can I go?
I know He is with me. I know. Lord it doesn't matter which direction I go. It doesn't matter. The only thing that matters is being in You to go with You, to Glorify You. All I long for is Your Voice.. Your presence.. Your arms..
I am in a good place because I hunger and I thirst and I am seeking and I am desperate for You. Draw me to You, Lord. Draw me ever closer. Nothing else matters. Nothing. You are everything.

Cry Of the Foolish Virgin

I did not write this article, it came in my inbox this morning from Revival School. I am not sure who the author is, but her heart speaks to my heart. I identify with her, I feel the warnings too. It's time to search for Him. Desperately.

CRY OF the FOOLISH VIRGIN
-by Shelley 'B'.

I just wanted to share with you something that the Lord showed me.

I've had a strange experience a couple days ago.
I was praying and then I heard in the spirit the most mournful
horrible cry I had ever heard. It was a woman's voice and she
was crying, "OH LORD!!!!" I showed mom what it sounded like
and she said that it was really freaky and scary, I AGREE!!!! I was
really shaken by this because the Lord had warned me about a
week before that, that I was in danger of being part of the foolish
virgin because I was not pursuing Him for intimacy with Him, and
that He was no longer my first love, and that I was drawing back
from Him whenever He would draw near because I was afraid to
give up everything for Him and obey Him completely.

I sensed that it was the cry of the foolish virgin and I told Daryl
what I had heard, and he said that he had heard the same cry the
day before, but she didn't say "Oh Lord." it was just a terrible
mournful cry. That kinda shook me even more. I had been feeling
in my spirit sorrowful, I knew I was missing the Lord but I felt that
He was warning me, but that there was still hope because if there
wasn't He wouldn't have said anything.

So with the help of the Lord I have resolved to seek HIM NO
MATTER WHAT, and to not draw back from Him when He draws
close to me again and to say YES to His call and to obey Him.
I repented from where I had fallen, I'm nothing with out HIM, and
I know that I can't do it without His help! I have to surrender all and
choose to obey Him and say like Job said, "Yay though He slay
me, yet will I serve Him!!!'' Lord help me!

A while back the Lord showed me what the problem was with
the foolish virgins, He told me that first of all, they didn't have a
consistent intimate relationship with Him, they only came to Him
when they felt dry spiritually, they weren't putting Him first in their
lives, that He wasn't their FIRST Love, and secondly they were not
obedient to His call on their lives.

Being honest with myself, I knew that was me. I'm sure that MANY
in the church are living the same way, and that's so scary. Well
there were 10 virgins and 5 were wise and 5 foolish, that means
that 50% of those vergins are unfaithful to the Lord. That's a HUGE
NUMBER!!!! The Lord also showed me, that these foolish virgins
were indeed born again, because they had Lamps and had some
oil in them, which signifies the Holy Spirit in their lives. Also the
other thing He showed me is that they ALL went to sleep!!! ALL
of them, and the Lord is warning us, that if we are at all aware of
our state to take it serious NOW or we may fall asleep and end
up not being ready when He returns. He also said to me that He is
coming VERY SOON...

I had a vision last spring, of seeing in the Spirit realm, and it was
early dawn, and I could see on the horizon that there was light
coming. The next day I was praying and the Lord shown me it
again, He spoke to me and said, "It's the dawn of My return and
my glory is already shining upon the earth!" At that moment, my
spirit began to cry out, "Lord COME!!!!" and then in the same
breath being shaken by that revelation I said, "but Lord make us
ready" and I repeated these things over and over again for a long
time, the Holy Spirit was moving me soooo deeply. I knew that
it was a NOW vision, I was not seeing something that would
happen soon, but what was happening right at that moment in
time. Oh... and the second time I seen it, the horizon was MUCH
MUCH brighter, and I thought, if this is what is happening right
now, it's happening REALLY FAST!!! He is soooo close to coming
now! He also told me that Satan can also see His glory and that
he was going to increase his attacks and deception because his
time is very short now.

Also the Lord said that His glory was going to start to shake things
upon the earth and that He was going to judge His church and deal
with the sin in it because He is coming back for a church that is
without spot or wrinkle. Things were going to get turned upside
down. I pray that the Lord will use this email to stir you for Him too.
Don't take it lightly, I am shaking in my boots. There is NOTHING
to fear if we are in obedience to Him. BUT Jesus said that we
should fear God who has the authority to cast us into the lake of
fire. If we are truly in Him, in obedience and in a deep relationship
with Him, then we have NOTHING TO FEAR, but have only to look
up and wait for our redemption!! ^___^

It is time to return to HIM with all of our hearts, we don't want to
be part of the Foolish virgins, I just can't imagine being separated
from Him for eternity!!! >_< Lord have mercy on us, deliver us from
all evil and help us to return to you with our whole hearts!

Mat 25:1 "Then shall the kingdom of heaven be likened unto ten
virgins, which took their lamps, and went forth to meet the bridegroom.
And five of them were wise, and five [were] foolish. They that [were]
foolish took their lamps, and took no oil with them: But the wise
took oil in their vessels with their lamps.
While the bridegroom tarried, they ALL slumbered and slept.
And at midnight there was a cry made, Behold, the bridegroom
cometh; go ye out to meet him. Then all those virgins arose, and
trimmed their lamps. And the foolish said unto the wise, Give us
of your oil; for our lamps are gone out. But the wise answered,
saying, [Not so]; lest there be not enough for us and you: but go
ye rather to them that sell, and buy for yourselves. And while they
went to buy, the bridegroom came; and they that were ready went
in with him to the marriage: and the door was shut.
Afterward came also the other virgins, saying, Lord, Lord, open
to us. But he answered and said, Verily I say unto you, I know
you not. Watch therefore, for ye know neither the day nor the
hour wherein the Son of man cometh."

And may He stir our hearts and bring unto us a sorrow that leads
to repentance, before there is no more time for repentance. Today
is still the day of salvation, He says to us, when we hear His voice,
don't harden your hearts as they did in the wilderness, He says
that He swore in His wrath that they would NOT ENTER into His
rest. He says, that while it is still called today, strive to enter it!

Hbr 3:12 "Take heed, brethren, lest there be in any of you an evil
heart of unbelief, in departing from the living God. But exhort one
another daily, while it is called Today; lest any of you be hardened
through the deceitfulness of sin. For we are made partakers of
Christ, if we hold the beginning of our confidence stedfast unto the end..."

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Loving the Giver, not the Gifts

Is it possible to change my destiny or our destiny as a family, by having favor with our Lord and Savior?

I'm starting to think it just might be possible. I need need to do a deeper search on this, but just a glance at the hero's of the Bible like Abraham, Moses, Noah and Isaiah (just naming a few), every time the LORD wanted to wipe out the entire Nation or World, these righteous men would be pleading before Him to have mercy. And He would. Why? Because they loved Him for Who He is, not for what He could give them. They worshiped and adored Him and did all that was right in His eyes and was obedient to Him no matter what the cost. They knew He was God and trusted Him completely.

My journey has taken an interesting and difficult turn since I last posted. My yearning to love Him unconditionally is being answered. It has been the most difficult journey I have ever been on in my entire life. But to be able to go into His presence unhindered and without guilt is something new to me. To walk into His throne room, and know that I am not walking in, asking for favors, but just to be there, to worship Him in spite of our trials and hard times. Now this is cool. I haven't mastered it yet, I must be honest. I wake up in a panic when I know our bills are falling behind. I stress in the middle of the night when I wonder how the bank will react to us not paying something that's due... But if I get up in that stress, and just tell Him over and over that I love Him, that I worship Him and trust Him, I finally feel that peace that everyone else always talks about, and I can drift off to sleep. I'm not saying we shouldn't be asking Him for help, but I want to be like Esther and prepare myself intimately before and for Him, to have that boldness to come before my King knowing that I love Him for who He is, not for what He can give me.

It's become a moment by moment (not day by day) time that I need to remind myself to be in this state of trusting Him.

Lord I love You so much. You are my King, my Abba, my Lord. I cannot breathe without You, You are my breath, I am lost without You.

Unconditional Love - His or Mine

I realized a very scary thought last night. I do not love my Lord, Creator and Father unconditionally.

A couple of months ago, I asked the Lord what commandment I wasn't keeping at the time, immediately I heard Him say "You are not loving the Lord Your God with all your heart, with all your mind and with all your strength."

I knew that was true. How do you fall in love with an unseen God? Yes, I see His beauty in His creation around me. I see His glorious works in the starry night. I see His awesome wonders in the ocean. And I believe His Word to be true.

I have seen miracles of healing, and people being delivered. I have heard His voice within me, and felt His awesome peace and comfort.
My boys know His voice and try to obey as they learn to discern it.
He brought my husband to me in the most amazing way, and we know He placed us together miraculously.
He has provided when we were at our lowest. He has healed me when I was in agony in my neck, and healed a tooth infection that reached all the way to the back of my throat.

So I know that I know that I know there is a God. One Whose presence is ever around us all the time. Who knows our thoughts, who knew us before conception. Who directs our paths when we surrender all to Him.

But what if He chose to take away His provision, His promises of healing, His promises of life more abundantly?
What if He gave me abundance and chose to take it all away (sound a little like Job?), or gave me a son and promised me I would be the Mother of many Nations, and then asked me to kill that very same son as a sacrifice, that He just gave me?

How strong is my love for Him? I can tell it is so weak. This week was a tough week. That same toothache that He Himself healed is back with a vengeance. My sons allergies that we've been believing for a stronger immune system, are getting worse!! Shandon (my oldest), with tears in his eyes said, "but mommy, I've prayed and asked Him to heal me... why doesn't He?"
My heart broke because inside I was asking exactly the same question.

I have to admit, I was so angry at God. I was almost spitting fire because my faith can't take much more knocking. But it dawned on me, my love for Him faltered because He was not answering my prayers, or at the very least answering my son's prayers.
If He chooses not to heal me, would I still love Him no matter what He allows?

It's Unconditional Love. Why should He love me with an Unconditional Love, but I don't return that Love?

Oh Lord teach me to Love You no matter what comes my way. To rejoice in the Trials, to discern what is a test of my love for You, or simply needs warfare on my part. I want to walk in the Spirit. I can only Love You more, if I have more of Jesus in me, and less of me. How can I pray for Your people, for the lost if I don't really Trust You, Love You? How can I show others Your light, if I don't let it shine especially when I'm down? Show me how, please teach me Lord.

Missionaries in Africa

My biggest dream since giving my life to the Lord, was to go into the deepest darkest Africa. I wanted to be the next David Livingston and lay my life down for the unreached, the uneducated, the lost souls of Africa.

I kept pleading and praying and asking Him to open doors to send us “out there”. To be in “full service” for Him. But, financially we have never been able to “go out”. The Lord took us out of the Church last year, so there goes that support. Why? Why would the Lord not open the door to do His work in the unreached areas? What’s wrong with us anyway? Here we are, ready to do anything for Him, go anywhere He would send us. But when we asked, we got silence.

Well, here’s the catch…. We are already Missionaries in Africa!! Duhhh! I am surrounded by dear friends from the US living here in South Africa as Missionaries. So, why are they here? I read their blogs, and they are here, sent by their Church to reach the lost in Africa. Mmm…. So why am I here? Why has the Lord put us here in South Africa? Ahh, maybe it’s because He wants us to BE missionaries in Africa!!!

Maybe, just maybe, since we were born here, been living here all our lives, know the culture, know some of the languages (there are 11 official languages in SA!!), well, maybe we are already in our calling!!

There are desperate people all around us. We have little villages built up, just 10 minutes away from our comfortable brick houses, living in shacks. We call them Squatter Camps. The homeless, jobless, living souls, living in shacks made out of bits & pieces of corrugated iron, cardboard and plastic…. whatever treasures they can find in our garbage bins.

We have retirement villages full of lonely forgotten Widows desperate for a light of hope.

We have millions of children that have been orphaned because of the killer disease; Aids. Children that are as young as 8, looking after their siblings – more than 1 or 2 little brothers and sisters.

Once, I was on my face before the Lord, begging Him to show me His Face.

2Ch 7:14 If my people, which are called by my name, shall humble themselves, and pray, and seek my face, and turn from their wicked ways; then will I hear from heaven, and will forgive their sin, and will heal their land.

Psa 27:8 When thou saidst, Seek ye my face; my heart said unto thee, Thy face, LORD, will I seek.

The gentle answer I received from Him was: “You will find My Face in the Widows and the Orphans” That blew me away!!

Oh Dear Heavenly Father! I am so sorry for wasting so much time, trying to go “out there”! Lord, please break me, and shine through my cracks to reach the lost, the lonely! The work is overwhelming, so much, that I just keep putting off doing ANYTHING!

Why Homeschool?

This is not going to become a blog about Homeschooling, unless the Lord leads it that way, because I feel there is just so much support, resource information, and testimonies to keep us busy for a lifetime!

But this is about my journey in Him, and I've found another step in the path that He is leading me.

My deepest prayer has been "Less of me, Lord, More of You". There is still so much of ME. There is so much that I still hold on to, that I think I've surrendered, but I find myself still holding on to, and it's sooo heavy.

I have a little bookmark made with a string and a couple of beads. On one end is a transparent bead, and inside are little flecks, like bubbles that glow in the dark. These flecks don't stop glowing the whole night! Every time I see this bead (it's in my Bible as a bookmark), I cry out in my heart to Him, to make me so transparent, that only Jesus through the Holy Spirit in me will shine through. That there will be no more Jenni in the way, just Him - and people can see Him, and He gets all the glory! I want to be just like that bead!

So what has this got to do with Homeschooling? Well, my husband (Dion) and I know the Lord has called us to do this since Shandon (now 10) was 4 years old. But I knew there was just no way I was willing to give up my "freedom" and have my children around me 24/7. I was just too selfish to even consider more than just a passing thought that maybe this is His Perfect Plan for us and for our boys.

So the Lord quit calling, and I quit asking.
Until now.

Now that I am getting deeper into Him, wanting more of Him, and telling Him that no matter what it takes to get there, I will be obedient because I am so desperate for Him.

So here's my next step in my journey with Him. To be obedient to His Call.
Yes, this is the best option for our boys, but why would He specifically direct me to do homeschooling? I'm sure I'm going to mess up big time, unless I keep my hand firmly tucked in His, and stay on my knees pretty much most of the time!

Well, last night, through one of my Homeschooling forums, I discovered a website by one of the members called Revived Christian Women which has answered so many of my questions!
What a perfect way to learn to die to self! I really encourage any woman (even men!) to get into Linda's teachings on her site. It is not only for homeschooling, but has some really deep insight to our walk with Him as our Heavenly Father, and the Perfect Parent.

Father, may You be the One to teach me, to guide me, to direct my path. May You become more in me, and me become less, that You may be glorified, that You would be able to use me for Your Kingdom. I love You Lord. Teach me to love You More.

In Love
Jenni

I surrender all?

Oh, this journey seems to be changing directions every time I think I've got it all figured out!

Have you ever prayed those really hard prayers... like the song we sang in church, "I surrender all"... have we ever really considered what we're praying? I mean REALLY thought about it..

I Surrender All
(written by Judson W. Van DeVenter - all red added by Jenni!)


Verse 1:
All (except my husband) to Jesus, I surrender;
all (except my children) to Him I freely give.
I will ever (except when the money runs out) love and trust Him,
in His presence daily (except those days when I'm living for self) live.

Chorus:
I surrender all (except my reality shows on t.v.), I surrender all (except my book club).
All (except my addiction to chocolate and coffee) to Thee, my blessed Savior,
I surrender all (except all my "good" works at the church).

Verse 2:
All (except my pride) to Jesus I surrender;
humbly (except when I'm feeling really self-righteous) at His feet I bow.
Worldly pleasures (except the ones that really make me "feel" good!) all forsaken;
take me, Jesus, take me now (I just need to take my afternoon nap first).

Chorus

Verse 3:
All to Jesus, I surrender;
make me, Savior, wholly Thine.
Let me feel the Holy Spirit (Just don't ask me to give up all the above),
truly know that Thou art mine.

Okay, I really don't want to offend anyone, but I do sincerely hope that by some strange chance you came across this blog because you too are feeling the call to Hear His Voice, to give up anything that is standing in the way of knowing the Father's Perfect will. To have that burning fire of revival lit up inside you like the revivalists of old. No matter how strange it will look to your family, no matter what the cost, or how painful it will get, you know deep down inside it really is the only way to embrace the Cross. To know His Presence fully.
I'm not there yet. I have such a long way to go because there are still so many things that I am holding on to.

We have surrendered each other (Hubby & I), surrendered our children, our business, our lifestyle, our addictions. It's an on going process, but we can't do it in our own strength, we can only do it with Jesus.
But slowly, ever so slowly, I am hearing Him more. and I when I dare to ask Him," Lord, what else do I need to give up to get closer to You? What am I putting first before You?"
I pretty much do get an answer, and the answer is not always an easy one.
Like giving up my book club membership. Why? Surely there is nothing wrong with belonging to a Christian book club? Well, I have learned, we serve a Jealous God, and even our Christian clubs or friends or works in the Church or Christian novels can be an abomination to Him if it sidetracks our time with Him.

I read the most amazing sermon by Charles Spurgeon called "Jealous God" you can read it here
Give it a try, I encourage you, it really challenged me.

Blessings!

Jenni

I Can Hear His Amazing Voice!! Really!!!

OK, I haven't been here a while, and a TON of stuff has happened between the Lord & I!!

My strongest desire is to be in His Presence 24/7, and hear His directions EVERY minute of the day...

So last night we're praying (hubby & I) and I'm repenting of all the stuff of the day, and self, and then worshiping Him in the Spirit, and in the quietness of the evening I get this impression of "How much do I really desire to be in His Presence?" and "Do I desire sleep, more than my desire to be in His Presence?" "Do I desire food & water, more than my desire to be in His Presence?" and I get this revelation of how much I'm telling the Lord that I desire His Presence, and yes, with my mouth I have spoken that I have surrendered everything to Him to be in His Presence, no matter what the cost.... but I haven't really been SHOWING Him how much I desire it! The only things that I have shown Him outwardly, is by switching off the tv (only watching 1 or 2 things here or there), and being obedient to his nudging us to leave the church.

So I start declaring to Him, that I do desire His Presence more than food, sleep or water and tell Him that I will not have either until that prayer is answered (ha, ha).

With that being said, off I go to bath, and I'm just praising Him and telling Him that He is my living water, and daily bread, and my rest.

I get out the bath, and I have this overwhelming thirst for physical water! But I tell Him again, He is my Living Water, and I knew that I needed to read the passage on the woman at the well with Jesus, so I ask the Lord where in the Word is that passage, because I know it's probably in all 4 gospels, but had no clue exactly where.. not even the chapter. I hear a voice in my thoughts, saying John 4:13 -- and I think to myself, oh boy, here we go again, it's just my voice or my thought and I'm setting myself up for disappointment again. But I look it up anyway....

"Jesus answered and said unto her, Whosoever drinketh of this water shall thirst again: 14 But whosoever drinketh of the water that I shall give him shall never thirst; but the water that I shall give him shall be in him a well of water springing up into everlasting life."

I fell on my knees in Awe of Him! He didn't just say... check out John chapter 4..... He SPECIFICALLY said 4:13!!!!

Now I know this is not new for most of you and you probably hear Him like this all the time, but for me, this is a HUGE breakthrough!

Praise YOU FATHER! Thank YOU so much!

Oh, and while I'm on my knees, I notice I'm not thirsty anymore!

I creep into bed still in Awe of Him, and not sure if I should sleep, but I know He had blessed me with His Presence, and that I could get some sleep!

The next morning I don't want to eat or drink because I still want more of His Presence, so I'm sitting outside by the pool, and I say to the Lord in my thoughts, "I'm sorry to say this Lord, but I just don't get how you could have the time to spend the whole day filling me with Your thoughts in my head" So immediately He gives me another scripture, Psalm 139, which I know so well, and I think,

"Yeah I know that one well, Lord," but still I sense Him urging me to check it out.. so I get the KJV, which I had never read Psalm 139 in KJV and it's blessing me so much, and I get to verse 17:

"How precious also are thy thoughts unto me, O God! how great is the sum of them! 18 (If) I should count them, they are more in number than the sand: when I awake, I am still with thee."

FATHER, You are amazing me more & more each day! I yearn for More of YOU, and I know that More is coming! I so desperately want my cup to be completely Full of YOU and gushing through me to share with others! Thank YOU so much for opening my eyes & ears & heart! Thank YOU Father, in Jesus Name, Amen.

What do I put first before my Saviour?

In April this year, I read a book called "I dared to call Him Father" a testimony of a muslim woman who heard the voice of the LORD and gave up everything to follow Him.
Daily she heard His voice, and sensed His Presence with her ALL the time.

There were a few moments where He withdrew His Presence and she would almost go into a flat panic, desperate for His Presence and the sense of knowing He is near...

Oh, how I longed for a relationship like that with HIM! I've been a Christian for about 16 years, and hardly ever could I say I sensed His presence or heard His voice.
Whenever I've brought up the subject of longing for more of Him and hungering for His presence, others like me would quickly use the scripture of Jesus talking to Thomas when he needed to see Jesus for himself:

John 20:29

Jesus said to him, "Thomas, because you have seen Me, you have believed. Blessed [are] those who have not seen and [yet] have believed."

So I would put those hunger feelings aside and try to press on while not knowing His voice or not knowing HIM at ALL. But at last my eyes have been opened to the TRUTH! He does EXPECT me to know His voice!

John 10:27

"My sheep hear My voice, and I know them, and they follow Me.

But I knew I had tons of worldly stuff to deal with. We can't hear His voice, if we are distracted by tv & movie addictions, and food addictions, and and and....

Well, the first thing to go was the t.v.(!) Oh we thought we had it under control, and were selective with what we watched... well, just try going for 1 full week with not putting that telly on!
I was just coming out of a 2 day food fast and decided to watch Idols (the only program I "allowed" myself to watch!) and after a few minutes I felt a heavy conviction of the Holy Spirit that this was NOT ok.
My Abba Father is grieved at how we've been elevating people and placing them on the center stage. The audience & fans go banana's and scream & lift their hands in adoration when their idol comes on stage. And that includs the judges, they are highly esteemed celeb's that have been idolized just as much. For the first time I actually sensed or felt the grief of the Holy Spirit and it was not comfortable. And it wasn't difficult to switch it off... fast!!

But this is getting longer than I thought, so much has happened since that happened about 5 months ago!

To be continued.....