Sunday, April 20, 2008

Unconditional Love - His or Mine

I realized a very scary thought last night. I do not love my Lord, Creator and Father unconditionally.

A couple of months ago, I asked the Lord what commandment I wasn't keeping at the time, immediately I heard Him say "You are not loving the Lord Your God with all your heart, with all your mind and with all your strength."

I knew that was true. How do you fall in love with an unseen God? Yes, I see His beauty in His creation around me. I see His glorious works in the starry night. I see His awesome wonders in the ocean. And I believe His Word to be true.

I have seen miracles of healing, and people being delivered. I have heard His voice within me, and felt His awesome peace and comfort.
My boys know His voice and try to obey as they learn to discern it.
He brought my husband to me in the most amazing way, and we know He placed us together miraculously.
He has provided when we were at our lowest. He has healed me when I was in agony in my neck, and healed a tooth infection that reached all the way to the back of my throat.

So I know that I know that I know there is a God. One Whose presence is ever around us all the time. Who knows our thoughts, who knew us before conception. Who directs our paths when we surrender all to Him.

But what if He chose to take away His provision, His promises of healing, His promises of life more abundantly?
What if He gave me abundance and chose to take it all away (sound a little like Job?), or gave me a son and promised me I would be the Mother of many Nations, and then asked me to kill that very same son as a sacrifice, that He just gave me?

How strong is my love for Him? I can tell it is so weak. This week was a tough week. That same toothache that He Himself healed is back with a vengeance. My sons allergies that we've been believing for a stronger immune system, are getting worse!! Shandon (my oldest), with tears in his eyes said, "but mommy, I've prayed and asked Him to heal me... why doesn't He?"
My heart broke because inside I was asking exactly the same question.

I have to admit, I was so angry at God. I was almost spitting fire because my faith can't take much more knocking. But it dawned on me, my love for Him faltered because He was not answering my prayers, or at the very least answering my son's prayers.
If He chooses not to heal me, would I still love Him no matter what He allows?

It's Unconditional Love. Why should He love me with an Unconditional Love, but I don't return that Love?

Oh Lord teach me to Love You no matter what comes my way. To rejoice in the Trials, to discern what is a test of my love for You, or simply needs warfare on my part. I want to walk in the Spirit. I can only Love You more, if I have more of Jesus in me, and less of me. How can I pray for Your people, for the lost if I don't really Trust You, Love You? How can I show others Your light, if I don't let it shine especially when I'm down? Show me how, please teach me Lord.

13 comments:

Karen said...

Hi Jenni,

I'm Karen, fellow Weaver mom! I got your blog addy from a weaver post. As I read this post, I could relate. I've gone down these same paths. As a fellow sister in Christ, I want to tell you your message was powerful and reminded me of the sermon I heard yesterday. The preacher spoke from Matthew 14. The disciples had just witnessed the miracle of the feeding of 5,000; yet just a short time later. They were on a boat and a storm arose. They began to fear. Why? Because they took their eyes off Jesus and looked to their circumstances. How many times in life do we see the storm and fail to see the man walking towards us through the storm? Or how many times have we been like Peter and see Christ in our circumstances yet allow our feelings take over and remove our eyes off the Lord. Yet when we do, we cry out to Him and He reaches out His hand to rescue us. What a comfort it is to know that Christ is only a arms length away and with one hand can pull us up and out and even above our circumstances. Your words truly have inspired me, just as yesterday's message did. Thank you so much for sharing. Oh and don't forget the end of the story! He not only lifts us up and out but He calms the sea! Praise The Lord! Please keep in touch, I believe we have alot in common. Come on over to my blog anytime! God Bless, KC

Jenni said...

Thank you so much for your kind words, Karen! You are so right, the end of the story really is beautiful when He calms the storm.
Funny thing, after I wrote this article, financially we took huge nose dive! BUT after going through panic, fear, anger, dissappointment, and THEN finally experiencing His Peace that passes all understanding, it has been worth the storm just to feel His Love, and Know I'm loved!
Incredible!

I'm popping over to your blog now!

Love Jen

Karen said...

Thanks for telling me about that site. The articles look extremely interesting. I can't wait to find some quiet time so I can read some. I'm sure they will inspire many blogs. LOL

Have a great day!
God Bless
-Karen

Karen said...

Hey, I just wanted to let you know that you have been tagged by me.

Come on over and check it out...

http://lilmommashaven.blogspot.com/2008/09/tagged-by-sarah.html

Thanks,
Karen @ Lil Momma's Haven

Anonymous said...

Jenni,
I got your blog address from the weaver post also. I love to check out what other weaver moms are doing. You have just put a fire under me to make God number one and let everthing else fall into place. I wish I could say that I love God with all my heart, soul and strenth. But I know that with his help I will be able to.
thanks.
`Sarah`
in SW AZ.

Jenni said...

Hi Sarah,
Thank you for stopping by! I have learned so much about me and how weak my faith has been since I last posted this article. I really hope to share soon!

Blessings
Jenni

Mike said...

To love him the same way he loves us. What a challenge! Challenging :)

Rev Deb said...

Hi Jenni
Keep holding on....


Grace and peace be multiplied to you in the knowledge of God and of Jesus our Lord;

3seeing that His divine power has granted to us everything pertaining to life and godliness, through the true knowledge of Him who called us by His own glory and excellence.

4For by these He has granted to us His precious and magnificent promises, so that by them you may become partakers of the divine nature, having escaped the corruption that is in the world by lust.

5Now for this very reason also, applying all diligence, in your faith supply moral excellence, and in your moral excellence, knowledge,

6and in your knowledge, self-control, and in your self-control, perseverance, and in your perseverance, godliness,

7and in your godliness, brotherly kindness, and in your brotherly kindness, love.

8For if these qualities are yours and are increasing, they render you neither useless nor unfruitful in the true knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ.

Blessings
Rev Deb

casey said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
casey said...

Here's a video that is always encouraging!


1. http://www.truveo.com/FINGER-OF-GOD-pt-1-of-2/id/1293792311

2. http://www.truveo.com/FINGER-OF-GOD-pt-2-of-2/id/3518349863


on pt 2 watch around 4:16

casey said...

Really great article Jenni, I can really relate. I don't want to have fickle love for the Lord. Thank you for sharing.


Here are some wonderful and inspirational sites to enjoy:

1.http://fathersglory.com/insp/inspiration.htm

2.http://fathersglory.com/

3.http://www.heburnsforme.com/Graham_Cooke.html

4.http://www.ibethel.org/features/testimonies/index.php?f=testimonies.php&page=24

u can subcribe to free podcasts

5. http://www.xpmedia.com/

Jenni said...

Really nice links, thank you Casey, I will definitely spend some time there, especially the Father's Glory site.
I also really enjoy Graham Cook.

Thanks for stopping by and commenting on my blog :-)

Jenni said...

Casey, I can't get into your profile to see who you are or if you have a blog.. but I just wanted to really thank you deeply for those links, every single one that I have clicked on so far has been exactly what I've needed for this season right now.
I don't know who you are, I hope you get this reply, thank you.