Saturday, November 13, 2010

Serenity, Abandonment, Hearts, Freedom!

Our God is SO Awesome! I am SO in LOVE with Him, He has shown me His Love in ways I never knew possible. I have discovered on this journey how quickly He responds to a heart that is willing to be broken, molded and changed to be able to reach His Utmost places and soar with Him like an eagle!
When I am willing to allow Him to work in my heart, show me the yuck stuff that keeps me from being in His Presence 24/7, I stand amazed at the depth of His love that is being poured over, in and through us ALL the time!

He has used His Word, people, prophesies, dreams, visions, poetry, songs, pictures, paintings and even jewellery to lavish His never-ending, non-conditional love in ways that keep astounding and surprising me. I never knew that being a Christian could be so much FUN, so FREE and FULL.

On Tuesday morning I had this feeling of being creative. It was almost like a craving that needed to be filled. I searched for songs online, thinking I needed to hear a song to wash over me, but I eventually realised that I needed to express myself in Art to Him as a form of Worship. This is what the Holy Spirit does, He is creative! He is not boring, He loves to surprise us with change and diversity!

I took a mattress outside and went to soak in Him, asking Him for words or art that He wanted me to write or draw, wow and did He show me!

The first that He showed me was a love letter. The more I wrote the more came. I wrote this to Him:

You are my Inspiration
You are my dwelling place
You are my everything,
every breath I breathe

You are my light
you are my warmth
You are my consolation
you are everything I need

Help me know in times of doubt,
when I think it's all in my 
that You are with me - You are

In the gentle breeze,
in the warmth of the sun,
in the galeforce winds
in the breath of the trees.

Deep within, You are in my thoughts.
You consume me with Your Blood
A refiners fire burning the chaff
healing the brokenness, 
setting me FREE!

Then I finally found the courage to draw a simple picture of how He sees me. This has been a difficult one for me. I've been obsessed with dancing for Him, the freedom of gypsy dancing. Pure abandonment, unworried about people watching. We only have an audience of ONE. 
I've been asking Him to show me ways that He sees me and one of the ways is when we are worshipping Him, that He receives us in a glorious display of gorgeous rainbow of lights moving toward Him, and His light gets showered on us in return. This is a stunning array of light, colourful, radiant and a beautiful fragrance that fills the atmosphere.
I've been looking on the net for an artwork of a gypsy dancer and hadn't been able to find any until one morning, my friend Riana posted this image on her Facebook. Painted by a talented young artist who works in prophetic art and glorifies God through her work.

Here is a link to her Facebook page:
When I opened my Facebook page and saw this painting, my heart did a leap for Him! This was exactly what I was trying to express!

So here I'm sitting and seeing Abba wants me to start drawing. To start expressing my joy and the Love that so intimately binds me to Him.
 This is the first picture I draw using a black chalk pastel:

We are our worst critics and I wanted to throw this one out, but I held on to it. I called this one Abandonment. It's wild, it's free, it's how I feel inside. Thank goodness I didn't throw it out. Dion showed me how much our Daddy loves this and will use it for Him.

My second drawing, I used a pencil. By now my spirit was quiet before Him. I call this one Serenity. I again saw His Light all around her, His Life-giving Blood showered on her, filling her with forgiveness and freedom. All we need to do is open our arms to Him to receive.

 Today we went with our dear friends to help with teaching a Prophetic Art Class at a church in Pretoria. What freedom we had there, we could feel it in the air! Carol & Yorick are one of the most humble, giving, loving people I know. Through them we have learned and gleaned so much!
And God is so cool, as we were leaving one of the ladies there who I have never met before comes to me and says: "I just gotta tell you that when I saw you standing on one side, I saw you covered in His Light, and as you were standing there, this light changed to a colourful RAINBOW that changed the environment as you came into the room"

All I can say is :WOW GOD, You are SO COOL! 

Thursday, September 2, 2010

A Spiritual Awakening - Part 1 I am loved!!

Looking back over my last few posts, especially my last post from over a year ago, I am amazed at how my Heavenly Father has answered my deep longing for being in His Presence more & more. I feel like I have found my Oasis of deep waters and my Spirit has finally awakened from deep slumber and dry places!

About 4 weeks ago a stirring in the Spirit began. Could it be an answer to my prayer of longing and thirsting for a deeper relationship with Him a long time ago? Could it possibly be that God hears our prayers, prepares us for His answers and lavishes us when He knows we are ready for it? I think so!

I met with a dear friend of mine who I hadn't seen in 18 years. We had just re-connected and started meeting almost weekly for coffee. 
As we parted company, she would look me in the eye and tell me "God has not forgotten you, Jen" and my heart would sink because I felt forgotten. I felt like He had placed me in the desert and left me there to find my own way out. Prayers fell on deaf ears (or so I thought). Carol could see right through my facade in the Spirit and continued to pray for me in a way that only she can.

A couple of weeks later and Carol had started speaking life into me as the Holy Spirit led her. In her heart, she knew the Lord wanted her to do everything possible to make it known that I was the Daughter of the Most High, Loved and Cherished. As for me, my cry never stopped.. "more of You Lord, please more of You" I wanted to soak in Him, but wasn't sure how as I felt unworthy and unloved at this stage.

My friend Carol started bringing things for me, little things, big things, precious things. She showered me with love saying it's not from her, it's from Jesus. 
It was difficult to accept. Each time we went for coffee or breakfast, she would pay and I would feel awful because I wanted to bless her and pay, but simply couldn't because of a lack of finances.

Eventually I couldn't take it much more. We had a speaker at our Church, Marc du Pont for a 4 day conference. The first night I sang with the worship team and felt dead inside, but still longing so much for Him. I wanted to experience Him, I wanted to know His tangible Presence. I told my husband I was having a Crisis of Faith.

The next morning I met Carol for coffee once again. She told me she woke up that morning feeling strongly to take me shopping for something new. (at this point you would think I would be on my knees before Him for remembering me!!) I burst into a mess of tears of self-pity, saying how could this be? I want to be the one taking people shopping and out for new things. I'm tired of being the recipient of other people blessing us. Ughh, the self-pity did not look good!
Carol looked me in the eye and gently rebuked my self-pity. Afterall, who am I to question how God chooses to provide? If He chooses to use Man to bless us for the rest of our years here on earth.. what is it to me??

I felt like a lightbulb came on within me. It was at that point I woke up. Or should I say my Spirit woke up. I suddenly knew without a doubt who I am. I AM the daughter of the Most High, a princess, beautiful in His eyes, a delight! And all this because of Jesus and what He had done for each one of us. 
My whole world has changed since that day. That night at the next Marc du Pont meeting I knew that I knew that I knew He was within me, around me, and I in Him. I could soak in Him deeply and it's wonderful!

We all have this precious gift freely available because of Jesus. He went through so much on the Cross so that we could access the Father with an abandonment of a little child that runs into her Father's arms. We are free to worship Him, to breathe Him, to love Him and to know we are loved in return by Him.. unconditionally. Thank YOU JESUS!