Monday, February 23, 2009

Loving the Giver, not the Gifts

Is it possible to change my destiny or our destiny as a family, by having favor with our Lord and Savior?

I'm starting to think it just might be possible. I need need to do a deeper search on this, but just a glance at the hero's of the Bible like Abraham, Moses, Noah and Isaiah (just naming a few), every time the LORD wanted to wipe out the entire Nation or World, these righteous men would be pleading before Him to have mercy. And He would. Why? Because they loved Him for Who He is, not for what He could give them. They worshiped and adored Him and did all that was right in His eyes and was obedient to Him no matter what the cost. They knew He was God and trusted Him completely.

My journey has taken an interesting and difficult turn since I last posted. My yearning to love Him unconditionally is being answered. It has been the most difficult journey I have ever been on in my entire life. But to be able to go into His presence unhindered and without guilt is something new to me. To walk into His throne room, and know that I am not walking in, asking for favors, but just to be there, to worship Him in spite of our trials and hard times. Now this is cool. I haven't mastered it yet, I must be honest. I wake up in a panic when I know our bills are falling behind. I stress in the middle of the night when I wonder how the bank will react to us not paying something that's due... But if I get up in that stress, and just tell Him over and over that I love Him, that I worship Him and trust Him, I finally feel that peace that everyone else always talks about, and I can drift off to sleep. I'm not saying we shouldn't be asking Him for help, but I want to be like Esther and prepare myself intimately before and for Him, to have that boldness to come before my King knowing that I love Him for who He is, not for what He can give me.

It's become a moment by moment (not day by day) time that I need to remind myself to be in this state of trusting Him.

Lord I love You so much. You are my King, my Abba, my Lord. I cannot breathe without You, You are my breath, I am lost without You.