About 4 weeks ago a stirring in the Spirit began. Could it be an answer to my prayer of longing and thirsting for a deeper relationship with Him a long time ago? Could it possibly be that God hears our prayers, prepares us for His answers and lavishes us when He knows we are ready for it? I think so!
I met with a dear friend of mine who I hadn't seen in 18 years. We had just re-connected and started meeting almost weekly for coffee.
As we parted company, she would look me in the eye and tell me "God has not forgotten you, Jen" and my heart would sink because I felt forgotten. I felt like He had placed me in the desert and left me there to find my own way out. Prayers fell on deaf ears (or so I thought). Carol could see right through my facade in the Spirit and continued to pray for me in a way that only she can.
A couple of weeks later and Carol had started speaking life into me as the Holy Spirit led her. In her heart, she knew the Lord wanted her to do everything possible to make it known that I was the Daughter of the Most High, Loved and Cherished. As for me, my cry never stopped.. "more of You Lord, please more of You" I wanted to soak in Him, but wasn't sure how as I felt unworthy and unloved at this stage.
My friend Carol started bringing things for me, little things, big things, precious things. She showered me with love saying it's not from her, it's from Jesus.
It was difficult to accept. Each time we went for coffee or breakfast, she would pay and I would feel awful because I wanted to bless her and pay, but simply couldn't because of a lack of finances.
Eventually I couldn't take it much more. We had a speaker at our Church, Marc du Pont for a 4 day conference. The first night I sang with the worship team and felt dead inside, but still longing so much for Him. I wanted to experience Him, I wanted to know His tangible Presence. I told my husband I was having a Crisis of Faith.
The next morning I met Carol for coffee once again. She told me she woke up that morning feeling strongly to take me shopping for something new. (at this point you would think I would be on my knees before Him for remembering me!!) I burst into a mess of tears of self-pity, saying how could this be? I want to be the one taking people shopping and out for new things. I'm tired of being the recipient of other people blessing us. Ughh, the self-pity did not look good!
Carol looked me in the eye and gently rebuked my self-pity. Afterall, who am I to question how God chooses to provide? If He chooses to use Man to bless us for the rest of our years here on earth.. what is it to me??
I felt like a lightbulb came on within me. It was at that point I woke up. Or should I say my Spirit woke up. I suddenly knew without a doubt who I am. I AM the daughter of the Most High, a princess, beautiful in His eyes, a delight! And all this because of Jesus and what He had done for each one of us.
My whole world has changed since that day. That night at the next Marc du Pont meeting I knew that I knew that I knew He was within me, around me, and I in Him. I could soak in Him deeply and it's wonderful!
We all have this precious gift freely available because of Jesus. He went through so much on the Cross so that we could access the Father with an abandonment of a little child that runs into her Father's arms. We are free to worship Him, to breathe Him, to love Him and to know we are loved in return by Him.. unconditionally. Thank YOU JESUS!
1 comment:
Wow, Jenni, this is really beautiful and touching. I'm really glad that Carol was obedient. You really are very special.
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